How Natural Health Solutions Turned A Losing Health Offer Into A Winner By Using A New Sales Hook

Written by Jared DiCarmine

Writing copy is a funny business. I don’t know any other industry that allows you a second or third chance to get things right after a failed first try.

Here’s an example of what I mean…

Just recently I wrote a sales letter that helps men and women reclaim their energy levels. Most people are walking around tired and fatigued. We figured it would be a great fit in the marketplace.

Here’s a screenshot of the old headline and sub-headline:

Now here’s a screenshot of the stats. Column 1 is the amount of clicks sent for that affiliate. Column 2 is our earning per click, which you don’t have to pay attention to. But column 3 shows how many clicks it takes to make a sale.

You can tell the conversions aren’t anything to be happy about. However, there was a golden nugget out of all this and that was the email I wrote for affiliates. Here it is below…

This email produced the 2nd highest number of opens AND clicks for these high volume affiliates. So I knew we were on to something…

So I went back to the drawing board. Created a totally different hook and rewrote about 30% of the beginning of the sales letter.

Here is a screenshot of the new headline and sub-headline:

Now here’s a screenshot of the stats. Again, column 1 is the amount of clicks sent for that affiliate. Column 2 is our earning per click, which you don’t have to pay attention to. But column 3 shows how many clicks it takes for them to make a sale.

Big difference right? Almost double the conversions and Clickbank doesn’t count unique visitors, just total clicks. We found it’s around 10-15% less than what they show in terms of unique clicks. So those conversions are a little better than what you’re seeing on the screen.

And when you have something that works, this happens…

You’ll notice most did well and a few did poorly. This is can mean anything. A pure leads list, an old list, or someone who doesn’t have a good relationship with their list.

Yet overall, not bad. In the few weeks of launching this new sales letter, we’ve generated over 3,000 customers. At the time of this article being published, it will probably be at the 4,000-5,000 customer mark.

However, Things Weren’t’ All Rosy – We Lost Money On Our First Split Test


We split tested design and it didn’t make a difference. I would show you a screenshot, but we deleted the page 🙂

$1,000 down the drain. Yet we felt it was necessary because design can play a huge part in conversions. Why? It forces the reader to slow down and focus on key parts of your letter.

Just think Apple. They do a great job with this…

It just didn’t pan out for us.

So the next thing we decided to do test price.

Split-Test Attempt #2: Testing $9 vs $7.99

Most Would Overlook This Step Since It’s A Low-Dollar Offer…

However, a visual price, no matter how small the difference can make a huge impact on your conversions and cart value.

So we tested $9 vs. $7.99 on the front end.

We specifically watched for conversion rates and cart value per price point. Here’s the results below…

$7.99 ended up being the clear-cut winner both on front-end conversions and overall revenue. Again, proving you just never know what’s going to win. Heck, sometimes doubling the price can boost your conversions.

**NOTE – You’ll notice upsell percentages were pretty low. It’s because we kept trying to get a $60 supplement to work as upsell #1. No matter what we tried, it just didn’t worked and killed conversions for the rest of the flow. Lesson learned.

Now, some would say, what’s the point of all this? Why go through all this trouble for an offer less than $10?

Quite simply…to build a huge leads list and customer list.

This product does the following…

  1. It solves a pain point
  2. It fills a void in the marketplace
  3. It’s ripe to be placed as a solution after a funnel quiz
  4. It’s something affiliates can put into their rotation

Plus, it’s not niched down. It’s general. Most would say to stay away from creating this type of offer…

However, you can literally advertise this to millions everyday and never run out of fresh eyeballs.

When we first started out on this journey a year ago, we bounced around a lot. Trying to make things work. Heck, trying to make the partnership work. We had some successes here and there, but nothing that knocked it out of the park, until we settled on a business plan that could be scaled.

The BIG Difference Maker: A New Sales Hook

Let me explain…

It was nothing “scientific.” However, I’ll lay out my own personal steps I took and maybe you can apply it to your own business.

After the initial test results and a few under my breath curses hear and there, I took a break. I went for a walk to clear my mind.

I knew just a slight pivot could turn things around. So I took a few days off and hit the reset button.

I hung out with friends, closed down the laptop, went out to dinner and had a few beers.

I then decided to suspend my disbelief and let my creativity run wild.

Too often as business owners or copywriters, we box ourselves in. You must be creative in this business. A great tip is to push your ideas and hooks all the way to the edge. See what you come up with. Just start writing.

The Simplest Way To Come Up With A Winning Sales Hook: Be Contrarian

When everyone zigs, I zag and create something that’s totally out there. It bypasses the B.S. factor and peaks your prospects’ curiosity.

So after everything, I sat down that week to rewrite the letter. I looked at some swipe material, let things marinate, and started writing. I just kept writing until something flowed out that I liked, which is when I came up with the new hook/angle. I kept the 10-second eye test inside of the copy because I knew it worked, but I went contrarian.

Here’s what I mean…

Men and women are walking around these days in a haze of fog, like zombies. Tired, depressed and lacking energy. If aliens came down to earth, this is what they’ll notice. So what’s the opposite of modern day man?

Ancient Rulers. Kings and queens. Individuals that Hollywood has created blockbuster movies around. People we read books on. Heroes we put on a pedestal that lived and died thousands of years ago.

And frankly, the new hook worked and I think it’s because of these 2 reasons below.

  1. It’s contrarian and different.
  2. It’s infotainment

Infotainment is nothing more than entertaining your prospect while giving away information. In this case, it was telling a story while agitating a problem and providing a solution.

This is something I’ve seen time and again to work in my own copy and in high converting offers. This 1,2 punch of being contrarian and entertaining is the easiest way to create a winner.

More often than not, you don’t even have to provide a ton of content. You can, don’t get me wrong. However, if it’s entertaining enough and keeps the reader glued to the screen while having them nod their head in agreement as they scroll, the more likely they are to buy.

This is especially important if you’re trying to create a VSL. The longer they watch, the more likely they will whip out their credit card.

Just Remember, You’re Never Out Of The Game

Expect failure. It happens. All you need to do is close your eyes, take a step back, breathe, and relax. Just simply pivot. A simple millimeter change can have a lasting impact on your business and sales.

Be contrarian, suspend disbelief, and be entertaining. If you can do that, you will have a winning offer. The truth is your prospects are going about their day bored out of their minds. They’re searching for something to occupy their time. To make them laugh and smile. Why do you think sites like Buzzfeed are so popular and apps like Snapchat?

So your copy needs to be that shining light that perks up their ears and forces them to lean in. Don’t do them a disservice and be boring because you’ll never hear from them again.

Hook them in while they’re on your page and give them the goods. They deserve it.

And if you’re not an expert at writing your own copy or don’t have the time, hire someone that can do it for you. It’s worth it’s weight in gold.

About the author

Jared DiCarmine

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